“If thou of fortune be bereft,
and in thy store there be but left
two loaves, sell one, and with the
dole, buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.”
-John Greenleaf Whittier
Choices
As I speed through life I somewhat unexpectantly round a curb, and imagine my surprise when I glance ahead and there stands a sign that says "The End." I pump my brakes a moment and reflect on my experience.
I am in shock, the trip went by so quickly. Could it really be almost over? There were so many things I wanted to do. Wait! I think I needed more than one lifetime to do all. Life is to precious to leave things undone, there were so many things in my mind and heart, I felt a little cheated.
I thought about the choices I had made. Had I followed by heart and picked the most important things, the things I cherished most? Time is like money and you only have just so much to spend. Looking back I made a mental note of my accomplishments, gifts and dreams. Had I "put my eggs in the right basket?"
I wanted the love of a good man, check! I got that, it fit nicely into the perimeters of my one life. I had time for that. I am a list maker, what else was on the list?
I was born to be a Mother ..check! But my children were hard won. Hospitals, doctor's visits, miscarriages,infertility. Four children became two, very precious. My kids and Jesus were my life, I wanted to be the read-a-book at bedtime, go on field-trips, take you to school, wait a home with hugs kind of Mother..Check! It is a huge blessing and a wonder but I was able to do that. Children were always around me, from the time I was nine. friends, neighbors, nieces, nephews, my students from Church and of course my own children and grandchildren.
But there are things in life that just take up a lot of time. I was busy with programs at Church, busy tending my aging parents and housework, cooking, and stretching one income to accommodate a family of four. So between music lessons and the ball field, life happens, time passes. Then catastrophic illness hits like a explosion from Hell, more time is eaten up and it's almost time to go. Let me take stock of some things. There was so much I wanted to do, I could have used some extra lives to fit it all in. I had run out of time and needed extra lives to finish.
1. I wanted to Minister, if I had an extra life I would spend it in Ministry. I went to college to prepare for Ministry..I felt a strong call to the Mission field as a girl and there's always been a little part of my heart overseas. I might have invested time in the Congo or maybe the Sudan. I didn't get to go, had I failed? I did do street witnessing for a while in the Dallas/ Fort Worth area and got to work with Teen Challenge and inner city kids. I also spent about 25 years in children's ministry much of it as children's pastor. God let me go down into the trenches and do battle for children and young people. Not exactly darkest Africa but there were times especially around Christmas and Easter when everyone was high on chocolate that you felt like you were dealing with heathen from Borneo or Swaziland. So maybe I did get to minister after all.
2. If I had two extra lives I'd be a school teacher, I always wanted to be a teacher, maybe art or history or literature, something like that. There's no greater joy that standing before a group of open young minds and to be allowed to pour into them something you love. That is when I felt most completely alive..when I was teaching. But then I remembered, I love the Bible and on many occasions I have stood before groups and taught the Bible. There was even a season I taught at a little Bible college. For a while I was head of a Sunday school department. I shared Jesus when I could, perhaps it was enough. I did get to be a teacher.
3. If I had three extra lives I'd be a writer. I dreamed of being a poet when I was a girl and have a small collection of things I have written over the years. I would liked to have been able to write books, I come from a large family of story tellers and stories have crowded my mind my whole life. Then I remembered I wrote a book on how to set up a children's ministry. I found it hard to find suitable material to teach in Kids Church so I wrote my own. I have a bunch of children's plays I wrote for our programs. I used them often and shared them with others, so I guess I got to write. Then of course there is my Blog that still goes out everyday into the wilds of Cyber-land.
4, If I had one more extra life I would have liked to have been an artist. I have dabbled with art all my life and paint and draw a little..I am neither very good or very prolific but I have a small gift. I am more a crafter than an artist. But enjoy it and I keep going back. Making things with my hands always gives me a feeling of peace. I did chalk-talks sometimes as lessons and gave the pictures away as prizes, they all wanted to take one home. And my little groups of kids always had neat little crafts, to fill up extra time after the lesson. So I used my art.
I guess God gives you the tools you need to do the job he gives you. So it would seem I did everything I wanted to do, maybe not in the way I would have planned but in the way God had in mind. We are given our gifts and talents for one reason and that is to work for Him. When you are born you are given a set of tools to build your life with, and you choose how to use them. I truly wish now that I could have done more. But I suppose I would have wished that no matter what I had done.
Life is so short, but I am not sorry for the choices I made. I didn't do everything that I wanted but I did things I enjoyed and everything I was gifted to do. And I was privileged to use my talents for the Lord. I could have been smarter I know, and kinder sometimes. I was often a coward, lazy and unorganized more often than I should have been. But that is who I am, my mind is a busy, fragmented place. But I loved, I truly did, I loved pretty much everybody and I tried to do good. I wasn't a perfect Christian but I truly tried. I hope somehow I made a difference. If I failed, which I often did, God understands and forgives. And I believe there is more to come, much more around the bend, past the sign that says "The End."
and in thy store there be but left
two loaves, sell one, and with the
dole, buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.”
-John Greenleaf Whittier
Choices
As I speed through life I somewhat unexpectantly round a curb, and imagine my surprise when I glance ahead and there stands a sign that says "The End." I pump my brakes a moment and reflect on my experience.
I am in shock, the trip went by so quickly. Could it really be almost over? There were so many things I wanted to do. Wait! I think I needed more than one lifetime to do all. Life is to precious to leave things undone, there were so many things in my mind and heart, I felt a little cheated.
I thought about the choices I had made. Had I followed by heart and picked the most important things, the things I cherished most? Time is like money and you only have just so much to spend. Looking back I made a mental note of my accomplishments, gifts and dreams. Had I "put my eggs in the right basket?"
I wanted the love of a good man, check! I got that, it fit nicely into the perimeters of my one life. I had time for that. I am a list maker, what else was on the list?
I was born to be a Mother ..check! But my children were hard won. Hospitals, doctor's visits, miscarriages,infertility. Four children became two, very precious. My kids and Jesus were my life, I wanted to be the read-a-book at bedtime, go on field-trips, take you to school, wait a home with hugs kind of Mother..Check! It is a huge blessing and a wonder but I was able to do that. Children were always around me, from the time I was nine. friends, neighbors, nieces, nephews, my students from Church and of course my own children and grandchildren.
But there are things in life that just take up a lot of time. I was busy with programs at Church, busy tending my aging parents and housework, cooking, and stretching one income to accommodate a family of four. So between music lessons and the ball field, life happens, time passes. Then catastrophic illness hits like a explosion from Hell, more time is eaten up and it's almost time to go. Let me take stock of some things. There was so much I wanted to do, I could have used some extra lives to fit it all in. I had run out of time and needed extra lives to finish.
1. I wanted to Minister, if I had an extra life I would spend it in Ministry. I went to college to prepare for Ministry..I felt a strong call to the Mission field as a girl and there's always been a little part of my heart overseas. I might have invested time in the Congo or maybe the Sudan. I didn't get to go, had I failed? I did do street witnessing for a while in the Dallas/ Fort Worth area and got to work with Teen Challenge and inner city kids. I also spent about 25 years in children's ministry much of it as children's pastor. God let me go down into the trenches and do battle for children and young people. Not exactly darkest Africa but there were times especially around Christmas and Easter when everyone was high on chocolate that you felt like you were dealing with heathen from Borneo or Swaziland. So maybe I did get to minister after all.
2. If I had two extra lives I'd be a school teacher, I always wanted to be a teacher, maybe art or history or literature, something like that. There's no greater joy that standing before a group of open young minds and to be allowed to pour into them something you love. That is when I felt most completely alive..when I was teaching. But then I remembered, I love the Bible and on many occasions I have stood before groups and taught the Bible. There was even a season I taught at a little Bible college. For a while I was head of a Sunday school department. I shared Jesus when I could, perhaps it was enough. I did get to be a teacher.
3. If I had three extra lives I'd be a writer. I dreamed of being a poet when I was a girl and have a small collection of things I have written over the years. I would liked to have been able to write books, I come from a large family of story tellers and stories have crowded my mind my whole life. Then I remembered I wrote a book on how to set up a children's ministry. I found it hard to find suitable material to teach in Kids Church so I wrote my own. I have a bunch of children's plays I wrote for our programs. I used them often and shared them with others, so I guess I got to write. Then of course there is my Blog that still goes out everyday into the wilds of Cyber-land.
4, If I had one more extra life I would have liked to have been an artist. I have dabbled with art all my life and paint and draw a little..I am neither very good or very prolific but I have a small gift. I am more a crafter than an artist. But enjoy it and I keep going back. Making things with my hands always gives me a feeling of peace. I did chalk-talks sometimes as lessons and gave the pictures away as prizes, they all wanted to take one home. And my little groups of kids always had neat little crafts, to fill up extra time after the lesson. So I used my art.
I guess God gives you the tools you need to do the job he gives you. So it would seem I did everything I wanted to do, maybe not in the way I would have planned but in the way God had in mind. We are given our gifts and talents for one reason and that is to work for Him. When you are born you are given a set of tools to build your life with, and you choose how to use them. I truly wish now that I could have done more. But I suppose I would have wished that no matter what I had done.
Life is so short, but I am not sorry for the choices I made. I didn't do everything that I wanted but I did things I enjoyed and everything I was gifted to do. And I was privileged to use my talents for the Lord. I could have been smarter I know, and kinder sometimes. I was often a coward, lazy and unorganized more often than I should have been. But that is who I am, my mind is a busy, fragmented place. But I loved, I truly did, I loved pretty much everybody and I tried to do good. I wasn't a perfect Christian but I truly tried. I hope somehow I made a difference. If I failed, which I often did, God understands and forgives. And I believe there is more to come, much more around the bend, past the sign that says "The End."